Marriage Counselling
by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: Michael acts as a marriage counsellor for Lucifer and Dean, with some help from Adam. Sequel to 'What Archangels Have Joined Together.' Crack!fic.


**Title: **Marriage Counselling  
**Author:** TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Characters/Pairings:** Dean/Lucifer, Sam/Gabriel, Michael/Adam  
**Spoilers:** Season 5 in general  
**Warnings/spoilers: **Nothing I can think of.  
**Summary: **Michael acts as a marriage counsellor for Lucifer and Dean, with some help from Adam. Sequel to 'What Archangels Have Joined Together.'  
**Author notes: **_My brain works in strange ways, so when I finished the first fic, I thought 'those two would totally need marriage counselling,' and my brain instantly leapt to the image of Michael trying to fill that role. :D Which was more than I could resist, obviously._

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**Marriage Counselling**

* * *

Michael frowned, and tapped his pen against his notepad.

He wasn't sure why he needed a pen and a notepad, but the cherub he had consulted had assured him that all marriage counsellors had notepads, and since he was responsible for maintaining order and harmony among the Host, Michael was determined to do this _right_.

Since Lucifer had bonded things had been more peaceful than they had since before Lucifer's Fall, and if marriage counselling meant that Michael wasn't forced to kill his little brother, then he would gladly act as a marriage counsellor.

Lucifer's bonded was scowling, while Lucifer was looking supremely unconcerned on the other end of the couch. Couches were obligatory too, Michael had been informed. Couples could snuggle up together on them, or else sit at a considerable distance from one another.

This made profound sense. Michael had never realised that such logic went into the choosing of human furniture.

"I understand that you have been having problems in your relationship," Michael said.

"He's the problem," Dean Winchester said immediately. "And did you have to possess my brother for this?"

"He doesn't mind," Michael assured him. "He is interested in seeing how our session unfolds."

"Wait. You mean he's _watching_ this?" Dean looked chagrined.

"If you object, I can of course ask him not to," Michael offered, wondering what the problem was.

"You know what? I don't care anymore." Dean seemed suddenly despairing. "Everyone else knows about this, so why shouldn't Adam? At least _he's_ family."

Dean rubbed a hand over his face. He looked tired.

Michael turned to Lucifer.

"Lucifer. Would you agree that the two of you have been having problems?"

Lucifer frowned.

"There have been some… difficulties."

"What kind of difficulties?"

There was a stubborn silence from both bonded partners.

"I cannot help you if you are not willing to speak honestly."

_Tell them you'll have to ask Sam,_ Adam suggested.

"Perhaps I should consult Sam for an outside perspective of your relationship."

"God no!" Dean blurted. Michael frowned at the blasphemous exclamation, but let it pass. He fixed Dean with a patient look.

Dean groaned.

"Perhaps we should examine this from a different perspective," Michael decided, when Dean looked like he couldn't work out what to say. "How did your bonding take place?"

Both Dean and Lucifer's face instantly darkened.

"_Gabriel_," they said as one.

Bonding Lucifer and Dean together was certainly an unexpected move, but Michael was inclined to trust Gabriel's judgement in this. He _was_ the Messenger, and that meant something, even if all their other brothers had forgotten.

Everyone else might only see him as a Trickster now, but to Michael the persona was only a thin veneer, beneath which the Messenger was as active as ever. He'd merely re-thought his methods. To Michael it as obvious, but everyone else seemed blind.

He wondered suddenly if Gabriel's bonded saw the Messenger, or if he was as unperceptive as everybody else.

"That asshole bound us together to stop the apocalypse," Dean said angrily. "I swear, if he wasn't bonded to Sam, I'd break out the holy oil and flash-fry the bastard."

_Ask them how that makes them feel,_ Adam said, a little gleefully.

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Extremely displeased," Lucifer said dryly, while Dean raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

"How do you think, Sherlock?" Dean retorted.

"I can understand your anger," Michael said, because according to the cherub who had advised them, expressing empathy was important. "But putting Gabriel aside, how do you feel about being bonded to each other?"

Michael didn't quite get all this discussion of feelings, but obviously how partners felt about one another affected their relationship, so it made sense to discuss it.

Dean flushed and refused to look at Lucifer, who gazed at him intently.

"Lucifer? You go first."

"At first I was displeased to be bound to a human, especially one I found so troublesome," Lucifer said, staring unblinkingly at his bonded. "I was aware that Dean possesses many admirable qualities, but initially I was unaffected. However, over time I have come to regard Dean with great affection."

If Lucifer's stare had been any stronger, it would have bored holes in its object.

_Well it sounds like Lucifer's keen, anyway,_ Adam told Michael laughingly.

"Dean?" Michael prompted, gently, but with a certain amount of firmness.

Dean mulishly refused to either answer or make eye contact.

At Adam's prompting, Michael allowed his Vessel to take control.

"Look, Dean, I get that you don't want to talk about this," Adam said briskly, making Dean look up in shock at the change in speech patterns and intonation. "But you're no going anywhere until you do, so you might as well suck it up and let it all out. And don't look at me like that, I knew Dad, remember? He used to act just the same. So spill."

Dean glowered, but Adam fixed him with a no-nonsense gaze, and he gave in.

"I don't know, okay?" he mumbled. "I mean, he's the freaking _Devil_. But I guess he's not too bad."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Dean looked uncomfortable. "He's… not that hard to live with. And he listens, even if I'm just complaining about shit. And when I got hurt hunting a wendigo, he made it explode and healed me, and forced me to eat pie. Actually, he gives me pie a lot, but he usually pretends that he doesn't know where it came from."

"And how does that actually make you feel?" Adam asked. "Come on, man, spit it out."

Dean turned bright red.

"It makes me feel loved," he mumbled, so quietly that only angelic hearing could have picked it up.

Michael slipped back into control with a brief thank-you to Adam, who sent him a mental grin.

"And how do you think your actions make Lucifer feel, Dean?" Michael asked.

Dean's expression froze, arrested.

For several minutes there was absolute silence, as Dean's brain clearly worked furiously.

"Probably like I'm an asshole," Dean said soberly.

He laid an apologetic hand on the closest wing, spread invisibly over the couch. It was only for a moment, but Lucifer's eyes warmed several degrees.

"Well, I think that's enough for today," Michael said calmly, pleased with the progress they had made. "You can think about everything that has been discussed today, and I will see you again next week."

He snapped his fingers, and Lucifer and Dean vanished.

Michael allowed the artificial reality to collapse, and flew off, contemplating his brother's relationship.

_That was interesting_, Adam commented. _They've got their problems, but for an archangel and a human who didn't want to be together in the first place, they're not doing too bad._

No. They really weren't.

Which brought Michael back to something he had been thinking about since he'd firt heard that Gabriel and Lucifer had bonded to humans.

_You know_, Michael told Adam obliquely, _I'm rather fond of you._

It _was_ oblique, but Michael and Adam had been co-inhabiting for ages, and Adam instantly got it.

There was a long silence.

_Well, archangel/Winchester-offspring bondings are clearly in this season,_ Adam finally responded, _and the only other archangel left is Raphael and no offence, but I wouldn't really want him, so I guess you'll do. Besides, we've been sharing hat space for months, so we might as well take the next step._

Michael smiled.


End file.
